Crazy Kiya Re

I cannot say that I am a fan of Aishwarya Rai. All the regular reasons apply, plastic doll persona and perhaps overrated as an actress. It bothers me that she gets more bhav than Sushmita Sen, who beat her at Miss India, as well as got crowned Miss Universe. Justifiably Sushmita should get more importance.

Ash left the happiness of previous boyfriends in tatters, though that doesn’t bother me much at all, I mean, look at them, they probably deserved it. Also, she didn’t invite me for her wedding, even though I waved at her once 12 years ago.

Post Abhishek Bachchan-Aiswarya Rai nuptials, the new discussion around them is the prevalence of the dosha in her kundli or janam patri which seem to be impacting the fortunes of her new family.

Her dosha is not to be confused with dosa, which is a south Indian astrological specialty and works only for south Indian filmstars. For instance, Rajnikant’s dosa is fine and crisp, loaded with masala, action and drama and makes a lot of money.

Therefore its precise astrological name is paper masala dosa. The proof of his excellent dosa influence will be proved by the box office collections of his new movie Sivaji —The Boss.

Also, Aiswarya rai’s janam patri is not to be confused with patra ni machi, which is astrologically significant only for Parsi actors in comic roles, such as Boman Irani and Cyrus Broacha.

But back to Aiswarya rai and the dosha in her kundli. That it should adversely influence the fortunes of the Bachchan family is a load of crap. If that’s the logic we want to use, then the kundli that should be checked first is that of Amar Singh’s.

To begin with, his influence on the Bachchan family far exceeds that of Aiswarya’s, as does his influence on Anil Ambani.

As we can see, Amar Singh is in deep doo-doo with Mayawati, Ambani is in trouble with his power project in Uttar Pradesh, Bachchan’s status as farmer of the nation is in jeopardy and the little friendship club that they had started called the UP Development Council has now been disbanded.

The common factor in all this is Amar Singh, so if the influence of anybody’s kundli and doshas should be under suspicion, it should be our Amarbhai’s.

Word doing the rounds is that Abhishek’s movies will not do well because of the adverse influence of Aiswarya’s dosha. Again this is a whole lot of poop.

Say if Jhoom Barabar Jhoom does not do well, it could also be because the public thinks it’s not a good movie. If we want to go down the astrological road, we could also squarely blame the doshas of Bobby Deol, whose last hit movie I cannot remember.

I’m going to take a risk here and say that his next movie, Apne, in which he stars with his father and brother, will also not do well. You decide if it’s because of his dosha, or that it’s a bad movie or maybe even because of his long hair. Either way neither of it is Aiswarya’s fault.

Naked Aiswaya Rai, irrespective of her Knotty kundli, has done pretty well for herself any which way you look at it.

Winner of Miss World, successful model, actress, country representative on the international stage, hitched to one of India’s most eligible man, made pots of money — who is to argue with the facts. There are those who say her dosha is such that it impacts only the one she is married to.

The thing is, Abhishek Bachchan made this choice with open eyes, and no doubt an open mind.

There are those who can turn around and say that Abhishek wasn’t good for them, just ask Karisma Kapoor, Dipannita Sharma and the producers of the half dozen odd box office flops that Abhishek gave before he got successful. In that case, we ought to be questioning Abhishek’s kundli and doshas too.

The bottomline is, agar miya-biwi raazi, toh kya karega qaazi. In this situation, why must we be the qaazi, or crazy, for that matter.